Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You

Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You

Bradley Sands

Language: English

Pages: 112

ISBN: 1936383470

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


What the crap is Arnold Schwarzenegger doing on the cover of Rico Slade's book? This is Rico Slade's goddamn book. Rico Slade is not a bodybuilder, an actor, or a governor. Rico Slade is an action hero. 

Rico Slade doesn't care about the political climate. Rico Slade has an advanced degree in badassery. Rico Slade's favorite food is the honey-roasted peanut. Rico Slade can rip out a throat with his bare hands. 
But Rico Slade has a problem. His arch-nemesis, Baron Mayhem, is threatening to drop a bomb on the Earth that will kill every human being except himself while leaving the world's currency intact. To save the planet, Rico Slade must journey across Hollywood to find Baron Mayhem. Unfortunately, Rico Slade's crime fighting style involves ripping out the throat of anyone who gets in his way, including grandmothers and Midwestern tourists.
As Rico Slade leaves Hollywood in ruins, the only person who can stop him from destroying the city is his Jewish psychologist, Harold Schwartzman. Until he does, Rico Slade will kill as many people as it takes to thwart Baron Mayhem's evil scheme. Rico Slade will fucking kill everyone.
RICO SLADE WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.

!Atrevete: yo poseo un revolver!

I Survived the Attacks of September 11th, 2001 (I Survived, Book 6)

Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer (Nightmares Trilogy, Book 1)

Her Lone Wolf (X-Ops, Book 2)

Time to Hunt (Bob Lee Swagger, Book 3)

The Change (Animorphs, Book 13)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

refusal to adhere to an ideology. The cashier turns back into an evildoer. The bomb reappears. And Rico Slade defuses it by punching it in the fucking face a bunch of fucking times. Harold Schwartzman Vows Revenge When Harold Schwartzman shaves his pubic hair, he usually does it in a place that is inaccessible to the public. But getting tickled by a client until he agrees to trade his wallet and car for a giggle-free existence is not a usual occurrence, so his pants are dangling from his

bathroom. Wait, why does the cashier have his foot in the gas station’s rotisserie? Curious, he approaches. “Hey, bro,” the cashier says. “Can you help me out?” Something is written on the wall in cherry slushie. “This douchebag jammed my foot in this thing and I’m stuck.” Harold reads the writing on the wall. It says, “Rico Slade XXXI—Rico Slade vs. Islam: Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You.” “C’mon, man. It’s burning the shit out of me.” The psychologist doesn’t care. He is too focused

Peace!” The African American golfer watches a grown man cry. “C-c-can y-you d-d-d-rive m-m-m-m-m-me to D-D-Dot’s? “Man, I feel for you ‘cause I used to cry when I was a baby and shit, but Dot’s is way across town. And no offense, but I want your weepy ass out of my Caddy.” “Can’t you cut me a break?” he says, then glimpses the razor in the man’s hand and reconsiders his words. “I mean… help me out here. My wife is about to gangbang everyone eating Reuben sandwiches at Dot’s and we have to stop

the only one if you don’t buy my necklace.” Harold remembers Chip Johnson hasn’t settled his bill in years. And it is a lot of money. If he tracks him down, he may be able to save his marriage. Tiffany rips the paper strip off his back and he yelps in agony. Three waxes a week for three decades and he still isn’t used to the pain. Rico Slade XXIV: Restroom Bloodbath Rico Slade is urinating. This confuses him. He never urinates. Never feels the urgency. The only people who feel the urgency are

not happy about meeting Kent. Kent is the embodiment of evil. His Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts are a dead giveaway. He has never been on a tropical vacation. “People just don’t understand the IRS these days,” says Esmeralda. “If money is the lubricant of the economic engine, they’re its—” “Did you see that?” interrupts Rico Slade. He is referring to the man with the swordfish. Seeing the swordfish man has caused Rico Slade to spill his drink. There is a wet spot on his lap. The mini

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